1/8/2015–Visualizing a priority coming to be is the most effective thing I’ve done in adulthood.
It took (happened) over a few months, beginning with discontent at work. Had I been 20, or even 10 years into that career, I may have neglected to reflect on the discontent, assuming I was too far along that path to make a switch. I was only two years in, however, so reflection and not-yet-developed commitment led me to search for an alternative (not saying “20 years” would be justification to naively overvalue the discontent, which is a sunk cost, nor that everyone would/should be so quick to question a decision/situation after just two years. Rather, I was lucky (opportunity + preparation) to have felt that way after returning home and while open to a new path, both while on vacation, facilitating productive reflection).
The thing so beneficial in that reflection was the penchant for a priority (by definition one thing to achieve overall–the thing to align all efforts toward and which makes it worthwhile to falter in those other pursuits to consciously decide will be my one success, if necessary). This reflection, which is thus measurable (1 priority) and within reach, assigned a general time constraint (by the age of __, or __ to __ years from now) then became a catalyst for almost complete, systematic, prospective decision-making. With the priority identified–again, because it’s solo–I am pulled in only one direction, rather than concerned with “balancing” life, work, family, etc. These are neither priorities, nor means to ends. Life is a concept, the existence bounded by birth and death, during which time we do things, such as work, family,etc. “Work-life balance” is an illogical phrase because work is contained within life. It may even be dangerous or at least counter-productive to the well-meaning young professional reflecting on their “balance”, searching for solutions to perceived stress. So common, this concept had better be an effective tool, or else any of my classmates (and generation) are doomed to chase two priorities at the same time, never realizing that the success in one (life) is worth even failure in the other (work). That is, we’re led to accept an amount of harm to our life–again, the entire span between birth and death (not including the afterlife, which may be harmed in this pursuit as well)–rather than applying harm only to/among our non-priorities within life. As an equation:
Life = work + non-work
or
Life = work + family + recreation + sleep
So it’s false to think a 1 hour deduction from work equals +1 hour of life. In fact, life = 24 hours/day always. Therefore, no change in work could possibly lead to an inverse change in life. Life is a constant, quantitatively speaking, assuming work means something that is neutral to our life’s purpose.
Some important ideas result. Inherent in the concept “work-life balance” is the tone of anonymity–or the maybe sub-conscious feeling that they’re in some way opposites, partially mutually exclusive or incompatible. This idea, which cannot be removed, certainly doesn’t do justice to those fortunate (prudent) enough to love what they do (or do what they love). What struggle do they have with work-life balance? I bet it’s incomparable to the distress we associate with it, normally. How ironic, then, that the companies who feed this delusion the most via “top work-life balance” programs and structure are rewarded as “great places to work”? Which is the cause, which the effect? The company would love a staff who’s priority is their job, and thus would have no need for such programs. Conversely, reality shows that workers have other priories, causing an effect of “work-life” programs/structure. What if the company, instead, advertised that they assist employees in priority identification, thus giving mutual understanding of the balance of non-work and work, resulting in a balanced equation? Even in a matrix structure, this could facilitate more success for the employee in their priority, encouraging them to perform in their work since it’s part of that equation. Chasing “work-life balance” precludes priority identification in favor of career zen.
Certainly, one of the most lacking skills among young professionals (all professionals, according to Manager Tools) is managing one’s time. As they say, priorities must go on your schedule 1st; not to say it’s the 1st thing done in the morning, just that it gets added 1st. Drucker taught effectiveness is “getting the right things done”. A.k.a. your priority is the right thing. Imagine if, instead of abstractly worrying about work/life balance, employees wrote their life balance equation themselves–a clear distribution of hours each week, giving appropriate amounts of time to each term (i.e. “work” and “non-work”). It wouldn’t be necessary to assign the priority the most time, always, but the right amount of time to get it done successfully. If my priority this day or week is to call my sick mother, I don’t necessary assign it more time than my work, which is 40 hrs. In contrast, just as the word “work” comes before “life” in the phrase work-life balance, so is work time put on my calendar prior to non-work time if i’m focused on that concept.
I’ve gotten away from my original thought–that identifying my priority has been effective. I predict a concern with such a narrow view, so negligent of all but one goal, might be that it’s “too safe” or too self-limiting and a hindrance on living a full life. I understand how it sounds like I recommend only pursuing one thing with passion, and only dabbling or passively engaging in all else life has to offer. This is only truly my recommendation in that, if your priority is getting done, and you fill in a non-priority, you should still–and would, inevitably–remain fulfilled, content, and unwavering. What makes the concern disappear is the epiphany of alignment resulting from pursuing a single priority. My experience has been that, once I knew what I wanted, I realized–and am still learning–that work, recreation, sleep, diet, wellness, friends, school, and any use of time that I may feel like I have to neglect in pursuit of a single priority, benefits form this pursuit. I’m completely committed to school, because I know success there supports my successful priority; I’m totally passionate about health because it will be vital to success in my priority; I’ve never felt more dedicated to do well at work, as it is essential to achieving my priority; and so on. Not only am I more passionate about each of life’s offerings, but I’ve discovered new offerings that my priority will benefit from.
I don’t mean to insist that all people must identify a single thing to value over everything else. Instead, I’m recommending every person reflects on their current situation–honestly in context of predicted lifespan–and identify/visualize the situation they want to be in at any point in the future. It’s about recognizing the finite nature of life, imagining oneself at the end, looking back on what you achieved in the time you estimate you have left. Reason is effective here–if you’re 90 you won’t be wise to make getting elected president a priority. More practically, if you hate your current job, don’t choose a priority which necessitates your permanent employment there. I actually don’t consider either of those possible–a realistic reflection will be a comprehensive view of future existence, and would include an improvement in all major facets of the life equation. The only way one would remain at a hated job post-reflection would be if their priority would benefit from it, which would almost certainly make one appreciate the job as a result. I’m out of my league on that, as I’ve never truly hated a job and could see my analysis being “easier said than done”. In any case, reflection can’t result in a lesser understanding of what one values, at least.
I recommend reflection immediately and daily. It becomes habitual soon, and much quicker as a priority is identified. Much like riding a bike, the beginning is full of meandering, curving and trying to stay balanced, while going in whatever direction you’re facing. Soon enough, you’ve re-directed toward your 1st stop of many along the way, and while cruising, only small adjustments (though many and often) are required to get you there safely. Each checkpoint is valuable in and of itself. Though you may ride with others, you’re the only one on your bike. Keeping in mind your own endurance and the type of bike you’ve earned, you know about how long you can ride, and plan your route accordingly, making sure to hit the stops you value most, only riding at a pace you can manage–riding within your means. One day you’ll get off the bike and it will stay there, hopefully well-worn out, a thing to be enjoyed by those who saw it in action.
My priority–as far as I can see into the future–is to raise a kid really well. What can I spend my time on which has no bearing on this outcome? As I learn about nutrition, I know what to feed the one who’ll depend on me for health; the same goes for exercise–and sleep–which I never would’ve put in the same importance as diet/exercise without seeking health for this purpose. I left my job and am on a direct path to earn enough to do just my current priority. I could’ve earned more doing what I was doing, but that wouldn’t have allowed my return to school, which will allow me to work fewer hours, and spend those hours on my priority. This is the prudent balance that should be sought and taught by business schools and HR departments. If you can make specific changes now that will allow you to achieve your priority, you benefit from making the change a.s.a.p. with guidance/involvement of your employer.
One thing making it easy for me to say all this is that I’m single and haven’t devoted much time to a career yet. Does the fact that identifying and pursuing a priority gets harder make it a less valuable exercise over time? Or, would a married middle-aged person gain even more than I from truly enabling passion to enter their daily life? I suspect it’s most difficult and most potentially rewarding for the one who has gone the longest without doing so. How can I truly value a directed, purposeful life if I have not lived the alternative? Again, reason plays a role in making a change–one must consider effects on family, for example, which is obviously one concern I don’t have. However, I’d say my decisions today absolutely affect my family that doesn’t yet exist, and they have a great effect because I’ve designed them to.
11/12/2017 review–To this day, nothing has been more helpful than to take an hour and answer the question, “What will I want to have done when I die?” However, while I wrote here that identifying a priority was the best thing ever, it’s no longer the case that I organize my life around a priority. Rather, I’ve since found that to identify the right priority, I feel I should first clarify my purpose. So now I have purpose and priorities. I expect my purpose to remain mostly the same over time, whereas my priority at any given time will depend on my environment and who is in my life. Each time I change my priority, it will be because the new priority is what’s needed to best fulfill my purpose.
I no longer have the priority to prepare to be a great dad. I now consider my priority to get out of financial debt. To achieve my purpose, being debt-free will enable me to make new financial investments into my purpose. My priority will then be to invest all my resources to maximize that. Time, money, and relationships will be aligned–just as they are now, even while in debt–in a new way. This evolution will allow me to take advantage of the best opportunity at any given time.
“Work-life balance” is still a phrase that I don’t recommend people use. I typically don’t care about semantics as long as the basic concept is helpful and understood. However, saying it that way really does place work as something that’s in opposition to life. Instead, I’ve found it crucial to my well-being if I think of work (how I make money) as a use of time that must be purposeful, and can be a source of joy if it reflects what matters to me. I won’t say I’ll never work a job I hate, but I will say I recommend everyone considers what job they do and rigorously questions whether or not there’s a better alternative considering what’s important to them.