My daily journal while in India for Aishwarya’s and Raunak’s wedding, with my strongest memory of each sense:
1/28/2017
Sound: Many languages (Hindi, Tamil, Kannada, Gujarati); dogs everywhere
Taste: Proper chai
See: Cars everywhere, suburbs, and saris
Smell: Armpits
Feel: 6:30 am–cold, safe; 3:00 am–hot, scared
After 13 hours in the biggest plane ever, finally in the country I’ve wanted to visit for two years. From the moment I entered Delhi airport, I recognized the culture of my closest friends from Purdue. Punjabi indifference and light-heartedness reminded me of Hitesh’s cool nature, and the chai I got reminded me of Abhijit’s special brew and conversation. Overall, as unlike home as this is, I’m grateful to see the same hospitality here as in Shiva’s West La La apartment.
1/30/2017
Sound: Car horns
Smell: Clean morning air
Taste: Proper sambar
Sight: Palace
Feel: Energized, home, and safe
Today we spent a few hours in Bangalore after our walk in the morning. Waking up, I felt completely at home. The discomfort from the night was gone, and I took the moment to appreciate what I perceived was a required adjustment period for all first-time travelers. Having adjusted, or at least begun the process, I felt safe and ready for the impending experience. We smelled clean, warm sunshine as we walked around the grass field. Breakfast was a “proper” sambar, which fueled our trip to Bangalore palace, a sand-colored castle-front covered in ivy, thick and dark-green. Car and motorcycle horns filled the air on the way there, without more than three seconds between any two.
1/31
Sound: Baraat drummers
See: Bride and groom, family, ceremony
Smell: Socks for 1st time
Taste: Best North and South Indian food ever
Feel: Family, honor, pride, all from Darshika’s tributary dance
Today was Baraat and Sangeet, pre-wedding events. We saw the groom on a horse walking toward the bride-to-be one block away while his family danced around the horse, at his foot-level. The purest feelings of family, pride, and honor filled me as his sister Darshika left everything on the paved street of a dance floor. The groom cried, the crowd cheered, and the guiding drummers kept the beat going incessantly, an endless *snap snap* like a bag of popping corn in the microwave. We had plenty of energy from lunch, a buffet of the best from North and South Indian menus. For the first time, my socks smelled like I’d worn them even though it was the third day of doing so (as advertised).
2/1
Taste: traditional South Indian thali on banana leaf (especially yam and coconut item)
Smell: exhaust
See: south Indian wedding, commercial street crowd
Hear: Music, both ancient (chants) and modern (Michael Jackson)
Feel: Real travel experience in the shopping center a la Anthony Bourdain
Today began early with learning to tie a dhoti, my assigned wedding garment. Bajpai and I both learned from an uncle, and proceeded to the wedding ceremonies. I heard undoubtedly ancient chants, which were Raun’s favorite part. Interestingly, later in the day I heard Michael Jackson in the car—a good range of sounds today. Mid-day lunch was served as the final wedding event—a traditional South Indian thali served on a banana leaf. Yam-coconut subzi was the best. The dirty exhaust I smelled going home signaled I was re-entering Bangalore and triggered excitement to see the Shekhar famiy again. I finished the day shopping at commercial street, feeling like Anthony Bourdain walking among thousands of Indians and hundreds of shops and stalls. I found my India cricket jersey—Rohit #264 for $2 USD.
2/2
See: New Bollywood film by Shah Rukh Khan, Bombay airport
Sound: India national anthem @ movie theater
Feel: Sad to leave new family
Taste: Best chana masala ever (box spice)
Smell: Standard American movie theater smell
For the final day in Bangalore, we went to see the newest Bollywood film Raaes starring Shah Rukh Khan. They stand for the anthem before the film, but a familiar smell of popcorn butter filled the theater air. After the violent, sad, and funny movie, which I understood only 70%, we returned home and ate lunch—THE best chana masala I’ve ever had. Shanti’s 33 years experience cooking have paid off. Chandru and Sangita say she made it especially good today, for me, using a trick they don’t usually get to enjoy. Their banter and closeness make today’s strongest feeling sadness as I head off to Bangalore airport. Such hospitality and generosity; I will never forget, and returning will be a high priority, as I have a true family here, now.
2/3
See: Rooftops of Udaipur, baraat, maharana Pratap Smarak
Taste: Rajasthani delicacy—lal mans
Hear: Rajasthani music (in cab home)
Smell: Dosa/paratha grill at breakfast
Feel: Travel crew, excitedly in danger (cab home and walking to dinner) and famous (udai singh palace pics w/local kids)
Today I woke in the Ramada Udaipur after only an hour nap upon arriving from the airport. After a scenic walk around the campus, which overlooks the city of Udaipur, I took advantage of the hotel breakfast buffet. The dosa/paratha grill smelled like burning oil, but everything tasted excellent—sambar, soft idli, gingery chai. After walking a little more, viewing every rooftop in Udaipur—a sea of rooftops between two lakes—I rode into town, down into the lower city for an introduction to the city. While seeing maharana Pratap Smarak Samiti monument, I was approached by a university student for a pic. 30 seconds after one selfie with him I was swarmed as 10 students did the same—making me feel like a celebrity, kind of. It also reminded me to enjoy the moment by getting out of my own world, mentally. By putting myself in their shoes, I went from feeling weird and introverted to feeling the purity of their curiosity at me, a new experience for them. Deeper into the city, a baraat held up traffic (it was wedding season after all). The day ended with a lakeside dinner with the US crew. I had a Rajasthani delicacy, “Lal Maas”. Our cab back was a bit scary, and I think the driver was on drugs, but he did introduce us to some Rajasthani music which would’ve been cool to listen to had we not been distracted by the motorists zipping by us within inches, angry at our driver’s recklessness. The only thing scarier was crossing the street on foot, but the main feeling from that was one of camaraderie with the US crew. It was a shared experience of danger which helped bind us.
2/4
See: Innards of the city (Bapu Bazaar)
Feel: Fully rested, top moment @ baraat
Taste: Fully rich Rajasthani food, city palace
Touch/Feel: Unqualified bartering
Smell: Exhaust, again
Today’s adventure began after a full sleep. Feeling well-rested, I met with Jeff and Erika for some shopping in the innards of Udaipur. Deep into the city is Bapu Bazaar, a labyrinth of markets without discernible order. Mostly fruit carts, snack vendors dotted with electronics shops and branded items. Few trinkets or local goods, though. Our introduction to tuk-tuks, the local three-wheeled taxis, was…aromatic, choking from exhaust in the roofed tricycle powered by a weed eater motor, as Jeff put it. We saw the full city palace, a network of thin hallways spread along a 300-500 foot by 100 ft palace front. After making our purchases, we headed back, and on the way passed another Baraat. With Tommy in mind, and the lesson of jumping in, I joined the procession for a few moments of feeling like a local. Erika kindly took the video, which captured the highlight of my trip so far. That feeling was great, and a nice contrast to feeling unqualified while negotiating prices at Bapu Bazaar. The day finished at the reception (the reason for being in Udaipur). The event was an open courtyard mingling of family and friends who couldn’t make the wedding in Bangalore. Taste was the richest so far—authentic North Indian, heavy and oily but full of flavor. Everyone in the US crew noted an epiphany of how good vegetarian food can be.
2/5
See: Haveli, Jagdish temple
Taste: Bad egg burji, awesome paratha with curd
Smell: Agar, incense
Feel: ending, wishing for travel buddy
Hear: French, UK, Australian accents
Today, for the first time on this trip, I had something I didn’t enjoy eating—egg burji is usually one of my favorite dishes, but this one was much less flavorful and came out white, instead of the golden color I’ve always seen. Then I said goodbye to Jeff and Erika, and continued on to my Haveli—a “heritage-style” hotel on the shore of lake Pichola. It’s like most buildings here—white stone slabs arranged like cards @ 90 degree angles, very flat-looking on the inside, but sculpted on the exterior. Venturing into the city led me to Jagdish temple, built in 1651 and massive marble with engraved human figures all over the outside. Inside, a shrine to Vishnu (the creepiest looking Hindu god). The pungent agar incense lingered, but I left after only two or three awkward minutes. I spent the rest of the afternoon on foot, loitering and popping into Random cafes. One served the best jeera paratha with curd and pickle. The flavors mixed perfectly—spicy, cool, and salty. The prominent feeling today was of ending. I realized I had only three days left, without any set plans. I had completed my India trip. One other feeling was a realization of the importance/benefit of a travel companion. Solo travel is much different I found, and calls for a different strategy vs. w/a friend. The night ended after a chat with a French professor at the Haveli. His Normandy accent was the third I heard today, after Australians and British surrounded me in the touristy area of the city.
2/6
[current gf],
I love you and miss you. This trip has been fun and memorable, and I hope I’ve conveyed that over the phone. I enjoyed chatting with you and hearing about your adventures back home!
Thank you for supporting me in my trip—it was important to Aishwarya, Raunak, and their families. Thanks also for always communicating—let’s keep learning how to do it better, meaning we both have a good understanding of what the other is feeling. I think that requires us to share our expectations, needs, and wants as openly as reasonable. I’ll practice conveying how I feel better. Note, that’s one of several things we’ll need to strengthen over time, as any couple does have several areas of opportunity. I’d also like to strengthen our friendship. That relationship is of a different type than boyfriend/girlfriend. I think we know what each other is looking for, from a life goals standpoint. Our area of opportunity may be to clarify how we’d like the other to communicate. Is there a way to do that and be sure to stay promising? Are we capable of seeing adversity as an opportunity, rather than a threat? God has put us on a path to each other, so our trust in him provides comfort in recognizing the obstacle is the way to a better relationship. For the same reason, if we don’t adopt a growth mindset always, we cap our ceiling. I say this because I feel discouraged to bring up any opportunity areas I see for us, as I’m worried you don’t see them as such. I predict you’d become concerned to the point of preventing growth. I want to grow with you and I think we can do so, if we do it while embracing the reality that we aren’t certain to stay together. We could either break up or get married, and growth via challenge points toward the latter. When you say, “I wouldn’t break up with you” it tells me you’re operating from fear; that’s not good at any point, but even more concerning so early on. I don’t feel like you’re capable of thriving in rejection, which is a capability I think is pre-requisite to a serious relationship. You’re a very good girlfriend but I don’t see you as ready to be a life partner. A main concern is that I can wait longer than you’re willing to before discussing marriage. You mentioned summer 2017—I don’t see that happening. I’m willing to take our time, but are you OK with ambiguity? Does money have anything to do with marriage? If so, it’s not the time. If no, it’s not the time but for other reasons. We will always get annoyed with our partner, but acting on it is within our control. I have to see your actions as though you are consciously choosing them—in my mind you are. Each minute you spend in your head worrying is a minute not with me. I don’t see evidence that you’re able to control your mind at this point—how could I so early-on commit to forever under these circumstances (after only a couple months of knowing you)? If your strength is knowing God and teaching, how will you teach kids by actions you cannot control? I wonder–is being a good role-model important in being a parent? If so, why? How important compared to other factors? And finally, if important, can we be good role-models soon? What would need to be true to discuss a serious relationship? What even is a “serious relationship”?