12/2/2016–Love is at least willingness to give up time for a person. More specifically, time from your own interests and to theirs. For example, love could be recognized by giving one night per week to spend with them, when that same night used to be dedicated to acting class. The simplest, easiest way to see love is by a donation of time.
The word “donation” is accurate–more than “investment”. Love–in giving one’s time–is a motivating force in spite of lacking return on its investment. Since loving someone causes you to want what’s best for them, it follows that you’d give your time to someone–again, at the expense of your own time–to enabling and supporting them in their interests, even (especially?) if it isn’t in support of your own interests.
The usefulness of speaking in terms of “time given” comes from the fact that it can be done by everyone and in so many ways. Rather than “words you say”, measuring quantity and the quality becomes more effective. For example, 1 hour of time is, by definition, as scarce (valuable) for one person as any (all people have 24 hours to spend each day). But words come in volumes for some, scarcely for others. Likewise for quality, “right” words, however you define them, come easily to some, hardly for others. Still, time is limited similarly each day for all. This makes its donation the best way to see love.
There is another way to see love–more difficult for me to name/define. It’s the drive to re-arrange priorities based on two people being a unit. It’s related to donation of time, but maybe it’s the part where investment comes in…
Maybe love for another is donating time to their interests while investing (an expected return) in the interest of the unit, which the two of you comprise? This way, each person can determine how to spend time based on whether it supports the needs of the other or the needs of the couple. Either way, it for their benefit. More so, they should embrace giving time without getting anything out of it for themselves (except for the enjoyment of spending time together, which is good, but not what I mean here) because they know it’s recognized as exactly that–a donation. Even if one person gives more time than the other, as long as they are keeping the right amount of time for the investment piece (what’s best for the unit), mutual growth will occur and will encourage the right division of time as the couple progresses. In other words, donate time in order to show love. Don’t worry about who’s giving more as long as you’re also investing in what’s good for the couple. Over time, the investment piece will ensure, if possible, a sustainable relationship, since “what the couple needs” would include a healthy, balanced donation of time from each person.
I will test this idea with Mallory, whom (by this definition of “love”) I love. My hobbies will lose some time, of course, but I’ll know which ones to steal from first since I’ve prioritized them already. Prioritization is still proving to be a valuable metaskill. With our relationship as a new priority, the next step is to get a rough idea of how I should donate and invest time as a function of my love for her. I don’t see this changing–50 years from now why would it be any different? I’ll still have 24 hours to spend each day, and this could still be a way to decide how to spend it. I’d donate time to her without expecting anything, and I’d invest time into the needs of our relationship as a separate, equal aspect of love.
QOTW: “I hope he knows how lucky he is.”
?FNW – How did I donate my time? Came to Columbus, phone convos, slept in second room