Lessons From the Road: heal behavior with relationships, not reason

4/14/13: Lessons from the road

The last three days, working on the road were both eye-opening and reinforcing. Eye-opening because I realized how poor of decisions competent, diligent people can make. Specifically, I never would’ve guessed that three people I consider “mature” do cocaine as if it were normal. Maybe it is normal and I’m just sheltered. The trip was reinforcing because I had previously held the belief that when you begin a job or start with a new team, your priority is to fit in, as suggested by Manager Tools. The reinforcement of this belief came in the form of a new manager who brought three new changes right off the bat with zero success. People didn’t like it and he even lost a great employee because of it. Not only did his directs not like it, the other manager didn’t like it and took offense to it. Her point was that the new manager was supposed to come in and take stuff off her plate, as opposed to bring more for her to manage.

I also learned on this trip that she, a manger for three years, doesn’t get feedback on her performance and she feels like nobody appreciates her effort; at least in terms of pay/promotion. She even went so far as to label her boss “bad”. She has a point about deserving some form of “thank you” as she’s put in the work of 1.5 to 2 people each week for awhile now. Today, her staff brought flowers for her and a card just to say thanks. I heard it made her day. This type of thing does so much for everyone involved and costs virtually nothing, especially if many people are involved. Maybe a good general rule for a positive staff is to do 1 thing every month that warrants taking a picture. That way not only are you doing something together, but you capture  the element of “shared experience” in pictures you can see forever.

Q o t w: “It definitely made her day! She can’t stop smiling.” – (server)

?FNW: What’s JD’s feedback for me? Pay attention

10/14/2017 review: when I wrote this I was totally overlooked how condescending it sounded to say competent, diligent people make poor decisions. I should’ve added the truth that nobody is totally competent or diligent, and that I’m prone to making just as bad decisions as anyone. I definitely don’t think cocaine use is a good decision, but I know now how easily a reasonable person can end up on a path toward drug use. As Tim Ferriss wisely points out, “everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about” and I’ve come to believe everyone acts rationally to them based on their perception of their situation. If their perception of their situation is inaccurate, I no longer think their rationality is what’s broken, it’s their network of support. That’s what needs to be healed.