“Do we need more and better possessions, relationships, homes, hobbies, skills, and opportunities, or do we simply need to turn our efforts towards cultivating our land, rather than prospecting for more and better places to dig?”–David Cain, Raptitude blog
11/23/2018–I’m writing this article as I reflect on the difference between “improvement” and “growth”. My curiosity has always led me down paths of improvement–new musical skills, new languages, and new subjects to learn. It wasn’t until recently that I realized these activities didn’t necessarily enrich my life. In a sense, what matters most in life are relationships and living with purpose. Learning how to memorize a deck of cards was one example of something that was fun to do, a skill I appreciated, and maybe even one which will have future health benefits. However, it’s mostly just a fun party trick. It wasn’t improving my relationships, and it wasn’t helping me to find or to achieve my life purpose. This is why I’d consider it “improvement”, but not “growth”.
To reflect the quote at the beginning of this post, growth would be like cultivating the “land” that I already have, rather than seeking for new (improved) land to settle. I’ve learned I am missing out on really achieving what matters most by not going deeper where I am.
One example of this is how I’ve spent my time when visiting home for the weekend. I used to visit my family and would spend several hours each day “improving” myself by reading articles and writing blog posts about topics I was interested in. I’d leave the house early Saturday morning, go to my favorite coffee shop, and do these “hobbies”. This was relaxing and scratched the curious itch I’ve always had. I’d still say it was a worthwhile use of time. However, recently I’ve found it far more rewarding to spend as much time as possible actually with my family members–even though I’m not really “learning” anything. Instead of getting up and leaving the house, I’ll now wait around for my parents or sister to get up. I’ll see what they’re planning for the day and join them for whatever it is, which I’d never have done because I would’ve felt unproductive. It sounds ridiculous now, but it’s how I used to think.
Another example of growth is learning some Hindi before visiting India. I’ve always enjoyed learning languages, but it wasn’t until a recent trip that I was able to do so in a way I’d call growth. The few words I learned truly made the trip and time with my host family more meaningful. We were able to discuss food, culture, and I was even able to crack some jokes that made the whole room laugh. These memories wouldn’t exist had I been busy learning a skill/topic that I couldn’t use for this purpose.
Going forward, I’ll still seek to “improve”, but only in ways that help me in fulfilling my purpose and maintaining relationships with those who matter most to me.