1/20/2013–First impressions: smile, shake, ask.
When meeting someone for the first time, being “friendly” is a no-brainer. But just like when giving feedback, friendly is not a behavior. Just because you think you’re being friendly, doesn’t mean the other person does as well. After being in my 5th store now, I’ve found three things to be most effective behaviors.
First, smiling should go without saying, but more and more people come in for interviews and they say hello, shake my hand, but don’t smile or they barely move their mouth if they do smile. The fact that a lot of people do this is reason alone to make an effort to smile–it differentiates you.
Supplementing a smile is a shake. As a manager, a shake has told me about a person’s confidence accurately and consistently. This is effective as a manager in a fast-paced environment when I need to ask someone for help on the fly. I didn’t find the shake “necessary” until management, though some people notice when you don’t shake. I wouldn’t naturally include a hand shake as necessary–I’m not a touch person. But in 2 situations it is–when dealing with customers (always) and making an “important” first impression. Dr. Leo Buscaglia wrote a book, Love explaining the vital physical satisfaction all humans require. He refers to studies of newborns who struggle or thrive depending on the amount of physical stimulation they receive. Logic would suggest we retain this need as long as we live. In that sense, a hand shake is a healthy shake. I think the idea is kind of “I feel, therefore I am”.
Another aspect of a shake is gender based–reason dictates we shake a “lady’s” hand more gently, knowing that our culture respects the gentle physicality of women historically. This is less effective, though, according to Manager Tools, because our culture now places more emphasis on respect as equals than respect for “lady” status. In my experience, the firmness has much more to do with the person’s confidence and assertiveness than their gender; it’s even random–no discernible correlation at all. Timid people have timid shakes (caveat to come).
The last part of a good first impression is asking about something important to them. It follows the idea that relationships are based on quantity and quality of communication. The best feedback I get is after I’ve shown an interest in a person’s family, school, hobbies, etc.–something other than work. I think it’s because at that moment you become more than just a coworker/boss. Not quite a “friend” you’re someone–and maybe one of the very few at work–who they will go to for advice, small-talk, and other communication that they feel is quality. As a manager, you’re required to develop and use relationship power, and this is how you do it. I’ve found this to be most effective used differently in two scenarios. If I’m being introduced, I don’t ask until the second interaction I have with them. If I’m introducing myself and it’s just the two of us, I ask immediately following the introduction. Basically, if a third person is present they usually “lead” the conversation after leading the intro.
The caveat here is that I’ve only seen these behaviors work in four locations over 6 months. In no way am I a seasoned manager, able to say this is the way to do it. I can only say this is a way that has worked 100% of the time I’ve done it. Some people don’t have a natural smile, but the majority of them love when you ask about their kids. Many people are private and avoid “personal” topics. But even they appreciate a warm smile or the professional firm shake. And like other people who don’t like to be touched, I look for face to face communication–smiling included–to satisfy my need for interaction. When I do these three together, I surely make some form of good impression to most people–especially the types of people I want to keep around.
QOTW: “I can tell your mother raised you right.” –Monica
?FNW: How will I prepare for GMAT? YouTube and apps
10/25/2017 review: Nothing to change about this–this was a good lesson to record. I will clarify that asking about what’s important to someone when meeting the very first time is not likely going to be about family, etc, but rather something about the context of your introduction. If you’re at work, how long have you worked here, what’s your passion project, etc. But there is certainly no surrogate for a handshake, which makes first impressions infinitely more effective when done in-person vs WebEx, for example. Have your first meeting with someone in-person if at all possible. The extra hour of travel to be at their site is worth it, if only to make that meeting more productive, let alone your relationship going forward.