3/29/2013–My friend in Wisconsin does online dating. On his profile, he lists the usual info plus a couple unique traits of his. I think the unique part of the profile is a great idea for differentiating people. However, it’s good to remember how other people may interpret things; especially if they don’t know you.
My friend put his affinity for dressing up as historical figures in the unique info part. It’s great that he has quirks and is comfortable sharing them, but I wouldn’t suggest doing so on your dating profile. The people scanning his page aren’t familiar with him. They don’t know if he’s smart or stupid/funny/not a creeper, etc. Let’s assume they know 5 things based on his profile. That means 20% of what they know about Paul is that he likes dressing up. I’d suggest he give them a chance to find out he’s normal first.
I recently witnessed this phenomenon at work (why it’s a phenomenon comes later). New girl starts a few weeks ago. Within her 1st week she asks twice during the shift to smoke and talks about how hungover she is a few times. Obviously she’s seen as someone who goes out a lot and lets it affect her work. She broke the rule of “drink like an adult, work like an adult”. She was also under performing. But instead of us wondering if she was just under-trained or going through the learning curve, we naturally assumed it was decisions she made and created that image of her. On the contrary, we have veteran high-performers who always talk about being hungover, needing to smoke, etc. The difference is–here’s the phenomenon–nobody considers them to be irresponsible. So, just like Paul’s dressing up, the new girl’s recreational activity is a large % of what we know about her.
As a new team member, each little thing people learn about you is amplified by their lack of familiarity with you. So, fit in; take into account the behaviors of the group that you share and display those. Don’t act against your values or “sell out”. Just listen to what they talk about and show your traits that mirror the group’s. After awhile, when they start sharing unique traits with you, then you can show up dressed like George Washington.
QOTW: “Nobody predicted a spring blizzard.” -Matt
?FNW: GMAT score–660 (81 percentile, right on my target!)
10/24/2017 review: This is very true, and is another way to convey the importance of first impressions. It’s better for your relationships (and effectiveness) if you can find common ground with people as you become familiar with each other. The sooner we can establish common ground, the sooner new friends will appreciate the great things that make us unique.